Now is the most detestable part of the entire process, waiting and conjuring up every awful scene your imagination can hang in your consciousness. What if, what if, what if. What if it’s some rare form of 100% fatal cancer? What if I lose part of my breast? What if it spread? What if….

Of course you worry. That is natural. You are trying to defend yourself from something you can’t fight alone and which might be an ineluctable foe. I talked to my husband about all this and there is no angel on earth who could have been more supporting than he was. I talked to my doctor and told him that I was really anxious, just afraid of the whole process. He prescribed some anti anxiety pill just for the day of the biopsy. I was grateful, and glad I had the nerve to confess my skittishness to the doc so that I could be gentler on myself…and that I could be gentle to myself instead of believing that the fear is all part of the experience and I should go through it. More fear wasn’t going to make this better. Less fear was the best alternative, and I took it.

I also talked to my best friend who had a biopsy. Hers was a totally different experience but she was terribly kind and listened to my terrors with the greatest of care. That comforted me immeasurably.

I also kept to my regular schedule of workouts and the night before I went for the biopsy I was lucky enough to get a nice long Yin Yoga class. I slowly stretched and let go for an hour and a half. At the end of it, I was very calm and could face the proceedings of the next day with a less agitated mind. I slept well that night.

How would things go when I actually had to be put to the test?

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