Irene Vs. The English Language

Well, hurricane Irene has made landfall and the weather writers are beside themselves to show off their grasp of how good English is written. Rule #1: Let the verb do the work. Looks like that is the only rule that some people know. Sheesh, after reading about 4 accounts of this windstorm, I have surmised that verbs have totally broken down from overwork. Here are some of the things I have read:

Hurricane Irene is trudging up the coast…
Hurricane Irene is marching up the coast…
Hurricane Irene is barreling up the coast…

Goodness me: hopping, skipping, jumping, roaring, schlepping, EVERY GERUND EVER INVENTED!

It’s like St. Crispin’s day hath come to The Weather Channel. Every frustrated melodramatic writer alive is having a fling at this windbag.

We few, we wet and soggy few, we band of water-rats;
For he to-day that sheds his umbrella with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so soggy,
This day shall the more moisten his condition;
And gentlemen in the Midwest now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That squishéd up the coast with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.